It all started last week when I started looking at jobs on Craigslist to see if there wasn’t some part-time work I could be doing to fill the time while I continue to seek the dream job.  There it was listed under “Entertainment” :  Assisting the Spikes Mascot with off-season community appearances.

I had heard about the Spikes – a minor league baseball team in town – who, according to my parents, are dreadful.  I assumed their mascot would be similar to the Lansing Lugnuts.  With a name like spikes, I’m thinking railroad spikes.

On their website, I was introduced to Ike the Spike, not a railroad spike but a deer !!!??!?!?  The Ike costume is clearly of the same vintage and factory as the Penn State Nittany Lion costume.  It looks like an elementary school arts and crafts project with moth-eaten fur and felt.  If you don’t know what I am talking about, I suggest googling both characters because I don’t think my description could really do it justice, but in a word…. pathetic.

According to my parents, I am committing sacrilege by insulting the lion mascot – to which, my parents would prefer I not let people know where I am.  Fortunately, my car is housed in doors or I could expect egging or some other foul play.

Basically a deer in a baseball jersey, Ike the Spike as described by the team is a 6-foot stag whose hobbies include dancing on the dugout and making fans laugh for a few bucks…ha bloody ha.  Not surprisingly, Ike’s favorite movies are Bambi and Bambi 2.  And he is friends of the Nookie Monster, Diesel Dawg and the aforementioned Nittany Lion.

In my bones, I know that this is a job that I won’t be doing.

And while sinking into the pit of despair by turning down a gig with Ike, I decided to wallow in 80s videos on MTV.  I hadn’t really realized, nor cared, before that to be a bad guy in the 80s all you had to do was wear a bandana and sport a five o’clock shadow.  This is my observation after several good versus evil scenarios in various videos culminating with “Beat it.”  Since I, thankfully, can’t sport a shadow five o’clock or otherwise, I guess that means I can never go back to the 80s and be truly wicked.  Yep, that’s what I am up to in between writing cover letters.

Miss you all!

As ever,
K. Quinn